WHO INVENTED GENRE FICTION?

January 23, 2015, 6:14 pm

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I can't resist starting this post about Horace Walpole with this frame (above) from a vampire movie. Walpole liked scary images so had he'd known he might have approved. Anyway, Walpole was one of the most influential storytellers ever to work in the English language. He's credited with inventing the Gothic novel and, since that morphed into horror, romance and crime and detective fiction, you could make a case that he was the father of English genre novels in general.

The mansion he built, Strawberry Hill (above), illustrates most of this post and is regarded as the first example of Gothic Revival architecture. I like the house but it takes a while to get used to. Apparently Walpole tried hard to create something gloomy and scary but he was temperamentally so good-natured that he was always modifying his intent when it came to the details. The result was a kind of Disneyland version of Gothic.

Maybe this (above) is closer to the way Strawberry Hill appeared in Walpole's time in the mid 18th Century. The whitewash was probably added in recent times to increase it's appeal as a spot to host weddings.

He ran low on funds while building so he had to cut corners. Look at the ceiling (above). It's painted on. Not only that but exterior battlements were often made of cardboard. It's funny to think that Ann Radcliff's creepy 1790 thriller "Mysteries of Udolpho" was inspired by such a cheerful house.

Cheerful (above). Positively cheerful. It's beautiful but I don't think any self-respecting ghost would bother to haunt it.

Walpole's excesses started a kind of arms race among Gothic authors.  Here's (above) a print from 1814 showing novelist William Beckford's house. The gallery was 350 feet long and the tower over 285 feet high. In the fireplaces 60 fires were always kept burning, except in the hottest weather. Yikes!

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40S CRIME COMICS [EXPANDED]

January 27, 2015, 12:38 am

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Here's (above) Fredrick Wertham, author of Seduction of the Innocent, the book that provoked censorship of the comics and ended what a lot of fans consider a golden age of newsstand comics. I love those comics myself but I have to admit that Wertham had a point.

If you're a parent you don't want your kids to read comics with stories like this (above).  

   There used to be lots of crime comics but the most popular one of all was Lev Gleason's Crime Does Not Pay. There's a few possible reasons for that but I like to think the edge that title had was its two artist/writer/editors, Bob Wood and Charles Biro. They favored a more cartoony style than the other crime comics, and Wood really did seem to understand the criminal mind.

I thought you might like to see samples of the work of some of the CDNP artists. We'll start with Rudy Palais (above and below) who drew the most gruesome stories. 

Here (above) Palais shows a woman kissing a man to death.

And here (above) he has a man kill a baby. 'Pretty gruesome stuff!

This one's (above) by Dick Briefer who also did the Frankenstein comics. I can't believe a story like this ever appeared in mass market comics.

Hmmm...I've seen this artist's work (above) before but I don't know his name. I'm guessing that the editors had had a hand in the continuity here and Bob Wood's knack for  injecting humor into horror is certainly evident.  

Maybe now you can understand why Wertham thought crime comics had gone too far. They really had. Censorship was inevitable.  

Here's (above) my favorite CDNP artist, Bob Q. Siege. His anatomy is either very bad or very good, I can't figure out which. For a year he shared an apartment with Harvey Kurtzman and Will Elder. I think I can see the influence. 

Last but not least is Charles Biro (that's his work, above) who was an artist as well as an editor.  He drew a lot of the covers. He wasn't an exceptional draughtsman but he knew what to draw and sometimes that can be almost as useful as knowing how to draw...well, sort of. There's a number of perspective cheats in this cover.

Bob Wood and Charles Biro were friends as well as co-workers. They shared hobbies: drinking, gambling and womanizing. . . hobbies that were to prove fatal for Wood. 

Wood had a good feel for crime...maybe too good a feel. He psyched himself into the criminal mentality so effectively that he actually murdered somebody in real life.

That's all I have to say about that comic but I'll take the opportunity to speculate about the excessive censorship that followed the excessive media that brought it about. My guess...and it's only a guess, with no facts to back it up...is that the mob had a hand in magazine distribution and paniced at the spotlight Wertham was throwing on magazine circulation. According to this guess it was the mob that pushed through excessive censorship, which crippled magazine creativity for decades to come. Once again, that's 100% speculation and I could be wrong. 

TIM BISKUP REVISITED

January 29, 2015, 10:54 am

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Gee, I like this guy's work. Tim Biskup, I mean. In my opinion he's one of the best painters out there now. 

What I see in Tim's work is an intelligent, civilized mind that delights in fun. Seeing a picture like this (above) reminds me how lucky I am to have five senses. It makes me think of the world as a gourmet feast served up because somebody out there likes us.  

That dripping, green paint is a happy counterpoint to what's underneath.

For me a skull (above) represents mortality and intelligence. To see it covered with painterly color like this celebrates the emotional side of intellect. Since it's a skull it also underlines the tragic nature of our short life span, but offers the consolation of "Think of what you saw. Think of what you experienced. Wasn't it great?"

Haw! It occurs to me that artists usually disavow artsy fartsy explanations like this. 

Here's a photo of Biskup's studio. I love to see artists' workspaces.



 Here's (above) the man himself. Is that April March's music in the background?

PECULIAR 19TH CENTURY CITIES

January 31, 2015, 1:10 am

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Oh, to have a time machine and be able to visit 19th Century Europe! I'd wander the streets, trying to keep a low profile, buying bread, cheese and wine when needed, maybe availing myself of horse-drawn cabs if I could afford it.

Since in the present we're surrounded by skyscrapers, we imagine 19th Century buildings as being being low to the ground, but the evidence of old etchings and photography is that a large number of city structures were actually pretty tall. 

Even before elevators people liked to build'em big. That's odd because tall buildings had to be climbed, step by laborious step.

Castle motiffs were common. There must be a reason for that. 

 Like castles some buildings had plain, sheer walls with few windows close to ground level. That's also odd. This was an era when rooms were dark and often lit by slow burning twigs because candles were so expensive. You'd think people would have welcomed any chance to bring sunlight in. 

Balconies were high, I used to think in order to discourage burglars. Now I'm not so sure. No doubt they were high because rooms had high ceilings in those days. But does that make sense? Heat rises, so high ceilings would have made rooms cooler in the Summer, but also colder in the Winter. It's as if people had a choice and deliberately chose comfort in the Summer over warmth in the Winter. That's odd, don't you think?

Also, lower ceilings would have enabled builders to put a greater density of people into a given space. Why such high ceilings, and therefore high buildings, when space in the city was probably at a premium?

 The only thing I can think of that explains all these biases is that people wanted to live in buildings that resembled castles and cathedrals, even if doing so was inconvenient. Huzinga said that medievals were exceptionally imaginative and sentimental people. Maybe 19th Century people were the same way. Maybe this was the common man's way of living like mythic Lords and Ladies.

Of course not all buildings were the way I described them. Pictures of the period were full of imaginative variations of Roman public buildings. Were many of these actually built? I doubt it, but what do I know?

VACHEL LINDSAY'S "CONGO."

February 2, 2015, 10:26 am

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Here's a poem by Vachel Lindsay that every kid used to learn in school. It's almost unique in that it has a driving rhythm that makes parts of it very hard to forget. I wouldn't be surprised if hearing it only once addicted millions to the sound of English words.

Unfortunately the poem sounds sounds racist to modern ears and so isn't read as often as it once was. That might be okay if there was an adequate substitute, but there's not...none that I know of, anyway. There's the beautifully paced prologue to "Romeo and Juliet": "Two houses / alike in dignity / in fair Verona / where we lay our scene." There's also Blake's famous stanza about the tiger.  They're great, and very hard to forget...still.....

Anyway, if you can forgive the racial content, here's (below) an excerpt from Lindsay's "Congo."

THE CONGO

by Vachel Linsay

Well, it goes on.

Here's a reading by Lindsay himself. Fans regard this as definitive, but I can imagine one that might be even better. See what you think.

THE STRANGE CASE OF LITTLE ORPHAN ANNIE

February 5, 2015, 12:58 am

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That's James Witcomb Riley above, author of the poem "Little Orphant Annie." You probably think he stole the character from the comic strip but actually the comic derived the character from Riley, from this poem as a matter of fact.

The poem isn't perfect. You get the idea that an even better one might have been made from the same structural elements, but millions of kids memorized it without much coercion, so it must have had something going for it. Here's (below) a link to a little two year-old girl reciting it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pp_ESjq7eGI

The poem was so popular that Harold Gray made a comic strip (above) out of it. Gray must have liked writing because the strip was the most word-filled comic ever. It's a wonder that the characters didn't get stoop shouldered from having to scuttle around under word balloons as big as pianos.

Gray solved the balloon problem by running the excess dialogue down the characters' backs and over their faces and chests.

The character was so goody-goody that she spawned a zillion parodies including a terrific knock-off character (above) by Harvey Kurtzman.



Annie was well represented in radio and film, too.  If you have the stamina to listen to this 45 minute video of Jean Shepherd's radio show you'll hear the story of the boy who got the shock of his life when he decoded Annie's secret message to her listeners.

Wood (above) did a take-off, too.

Even Tijuana Bibles got into the act. Poor James Witcomb Riley. He was a gentle soul who probably never dreamed his poem would would spawn a whole cottage industry of parodies.

VISITING YOUR PARENTS

February 7, 2015, 9:48 am

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This is a blog about visiting your parents, something that most adult children dread, probably with good reason. I'm a parent myself so I can see it from the other side, but even I have to admit that visits home are something to be endured. Parents are so...clinging...so boring...so judgemental.

I don't blame old people for that. They're just victims of predatory salesmen, like the kind that sell Lazboy chairs. NEVER give in to the temptation to buy one for your parents, even if the thing is on sale. You might as well buy them heroin. Old people can't resist the things and once they settle into them you won't be able to pry them out with a crowbar.

 So what should old people do? That's a good question, and I don't know the answer. Some moms knit. Maybe that's the answer.

You can always tell a home that's occupied by a knitter. They don't know when to stop. They knit everything. Knitters are not as common as they used to be, and that's because the hobby is slowly being supplanted by another one...

...cat hoarding! To qualify as a cat hoarder you have to have at least a dozen. It's hard to talk parents out of cat hoarding because the practice has been ennobled in their eyes by people who call it "cat rescue" or "cat sheltering." Old folks see themselves as providing a home for abandoned cats...cats who probably escaped from other cat hoarders.

It's always a good idea to take your parents out to a restaurant, but they'll probably insist on going to a place like The Copper Kettle, which is a favorite of people with knitted sweaters who smell like cats.

The Kettle specializes in dishes like canned spinach and macaroni and cheese, the kind of dishes that are now called "comfort food." Old folks like it because the portions are big and the spoons and forks are clean.

 Thanks to the 60s a new type of older parent is with us, the aging hippies. They're not above hoarding cats but they also like marijuana brownies. They eat things like kale and are quick to point out that whatever you like to eat is probably full of toxic chemicals put there by the CIA to produce a population of zombies.

Faced with the massive intimidation of Copper Kettles and cats, visiting young people have come up with a weapon of their own...the mobile phone. You can always tune out your parents by dialing up your friends to see if their nails are dry, or what movie star is rumored to have cellulite.

BEATNIK GIRLS

February 10, 2015, 11:28 pm

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This is about beatnik girls. "Why not beatnik guys?" you ask. Well, Beat girls had their own take on Beat culture, and it was a bit different than what the guys were doing. Read on, you'll see. 

The amazing thing is that something as esoteric as the beatnik ideal appealed to girls at all. Only a generation before girls were bobbysoxers (above) who used to giggle a lot and went nuts at Frank Sinatra concerts.

Then rock and roll came along and everybody young bailed into that. Rock had its own culture and beatniks were just a side line. While millions were doing the Twist and having fun, the handfull of Beats were living in poverty and listening to depressing jazz. It seemed like a movement that was destined to fail. How odd then, that in the long run it turned out to be the Beats who changed the world...through the hippies, I mean.

I just looked at a lot of old pictures of beatniks and my favorites are the ones that portray them as jovial Maynard G. Krebs-types, who wear berets and play the bongos. I like that image. It's the way Shag (above) pictures them. That's the way they should have been.

Unfortunately, they were probably weren't like that. In pictures and memoirs they seem like a pretty serious lot: very confrontational, very ideological, and very intolerant. A lot of them were actually kind of mean.

In my last year of high school I briefly went out with a beatnik girl and she was hard as nails. It was the hippie era but she preferred to be a beat for some reason. She made it very clear that I was beneath her and she was only seeing me because she had nothing else to do. She had that distant, far away look like Peggy Cummins (above) in "Gun Crazy."

Mostly we just hung out and tried to look cool. What I remember about her is that she was bored all the time, and had terrible disdain for the ordinary people who passed in the street.        

She liked to perch somewhere and chain smoke with a pained expression.

She didn't look like she was having much fun.

Beatnik women hardly ever looked like they were having fun. Guys on the other hand, at least looked like they were getting by. Haw! Maybe that's because they had something to look forward to. The beatnik code included free love and the guys were no doubt salivating at the very thought of it.

In the pictures beatnik girls frequently have a look that says, "Life is a drag, Man! Life is a DRAG!" That strikes me as tragic. Only a generation before girls looked effervescent and optimistic...the way young people are supposed to look...and now here are the Beats in the 50s looking smug and nihilistic. Yikes! Maybe they were just tired of wearing sunglasses indoors.

You have to wonder how that ennui came about. My guess is that they were copying the world weary look of Hollywood superstars like Dietrich (above) and Garbo.

 The cold, icy look had been standard in women's magazines for years.

Maybe girls out on their own for the first time, living the life of rebels, wanted to live the dream...to be icy and aloof like the models they secretly admired in fashion magazines. Maybe beatnik girls were always sneaking peeks at Vogue. Maybe fashion magazines contributed as much to the Beat movement as somebody like Alan Ginsburg or Jack Kerouac.

Well it's possible, isn't it?

Before I sign off I have one more picture to post (above). It's a really neat picture of a beatnik walk. I don't think anyone ever really walked this way but they should have.

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A VALENTINE FROM THEORY CORNER

February 13, 2015, 11:08 am

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INT. GRANDPA UNCLE EDDIE"S HOUSE: 

GRANDSON: "Tell us again how you met Grandma."

GRANDPA: "Aw, I must have told you that story five times at least. Don't you want to hear something else?"

GRANDKIDS (ALL): "No! No! We wanna' hear about Grandma. Pleasepleasepleaseplease!"

GRANDPA: "Ooookay. Okay. Weeell, it was at a little park by the sea..."

GRANDDAD: "I wasn't looking where I was going and we just bumped into each other. I tried to apologize but I found I couldn't speak. My lips refused to move. Infront of me was the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen and all I could do was look. She must have felt something for me too because for the longest time we just stared and stared at each other's eyes, our faces slowly inching closer and closer."

GRANDAD: "Then, when we could stand it no longer, we threw open our arms and clung to each other, clung as if our lives depended on it!"

GRANDPA: "I guess we weren't paying attention to what was going on around us. The biggest thunderstorm you ever saw was starting overhead."

GRANDPA: "The rain came down in torrents."

GRANDSON: "(GASP!) Did you get wet?"

GRANDPA: "Oh, yeah...soaked to the gills...but we didn't care."

GRANDPA: "Holding Grandma was like..."

GRANDPA: "...it was like...diving into a burning volcano."

GRANDPA: 'It was a kind of insanity."

GRANDPA: "Well, I'll never be able to find the right words."

GRANDPA: "Anyway the storm got worse and worse."

GRANDPA: "By the time we realized what had happened it was too late."

GRANDPA: "We were swept out to sea, miles from the shore."

GRANDCHILDREN: "Woooooww!!!!"

GRANDPA: "But that wasn't all. We soon discovered that we weren't alone."

GRANDPA: "From out of nowhere a big old shark came up and swallowed your grandma!"

GRANDDAUGHTER: "Did you karate chop him?"

GRANDPA: "Huh?...karate chop? Er, oh yeah, sure...but it didn't do any good. It was a tough situation. I knew Grandma had only minutes to live."

GRANDPA: "Fortunately I always carried a spear and flippers."

GRANDMA: "Kids, it's time to go to bed. Grandpa can finish the story in the morning."

KIDS (ALL): "Awwwwwwwwww!!!"

MY LATEST TRIP TO DISNEYLAND: 2/15

February 17, 2015, 11:39 am

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No, The devil isn't symbolic. I didn't intend to do any mischief at Disneyland. I just like the way the red sculpture looks against the Disneyland map. It's a figure from Mr. Toad's Wild Ride in Fantasyland.

The day actually began placidly at a friend's house where we all assembled for the trip. You won't see those friends here because they never allow me to take their pictures. They think I add double chins.

At the park we started with a double decker bus trip down Main Street. From up here you get a good view of the rooftops.

I never noticed it before but lots of them are Post Modern simplifications of traditional tops. Here's (above) a classic French roof. Er...you don't suppose that Post Modern styling actually began with these Disneyland roofs do you? Naw, it couldn't be...

...but if it is, you heard it first here on Theory Corner!

Here's (above) a French roof railing adapted to a Midwestern American top. Am I imagining it or is there also a Canadian North Coast Indian influence on that roof?

And here's (above) a modification of what looks like...believe it or not...a Chinese roof. Wow! There sure is an interesting mixture of styles in this park!

Fantasyland roofs appear to be a combination of French and Central European styles.

Here's a German/Swiss roof topped by a weather vane of the crocodile from "Peter Pan."

Here's (above) a detail from the Snow White ride. The Baroque twisted pillars remind me of the castle in the film, "Horror of Dracula."

Wow! You could do a whole book on the wrought iron (above) at Disneyland.

This (above) is a view from the Small World ride. Most of my pictures were too blurred to show here. The camera just couldn't make the low light adjustment fast enough on a moving boat. This is the one photo that came out okay.

I'm guessing that this white drape might be cheesecloth dipped in liquid plaster. I used to make Halloween decorations that way.

I love the way the park is designed to reveal different layers of reality wherever you look.

The designers somehow managed to make crowds interesting. It's a people watcher's dream.

This display (above) makes me want to try mood lighting and colored lights on my own shelves at home.

Nice, easy-to-do detailing on that pillar (above).

No trip to Disneyland is complete without a trip to the pirate store. I don't have to worry about being tempted to buy hats I don't need...nothing ever fits.

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BTW: A friend is selling his Disneyland memorabilia at the Van Eaton Gallery in Sheman Oaks. Check it out!

DISNEY HAUNTED MANSION BUSTS

February 19, 2015, 8:38 am

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Above, from Disneyworld's Haunted Mansion, the evil twins Wellington and Forsythia.

Who are these characters? It's not hard to imagine a whole film built around them.

From the same Haunted Mansion garden, it's (above) a bust of Uncle Jacob, a murderous miser.

Yikes! Is that Thurl Ravenscroft (above, foreground), the voice of Tony the Tiger?

Above, the evil coachman.

Evil Coachman can be found in any era.

Here's some inverse statuary from Tokyo Disneyland.

Uh oh, I'm all sculptured out. How 'bout a couple of framed pictures from the mansion hall?

The park should sell posters of this ghost ship.

One final picture. I want to end this on an uplifting note.

DISNEY HAUNTED MANSION PAINTINGS

February 22, 2015, 4:37 pm

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Most of these pictures are from The Haunted Mansion at Disneyland and Disneyworld. The yellowish portrait near the end is from a Ghostbusters movie.  

I'm partial to portraits of misers so I'll start with that.

The picture morphs into one showing a greedy relative who did away with the miser to get his money.

Here's a couple who might be decribed as mean and cheap. You'd expect that they'd be friends of the miser in the blue suit but that's not likely. True misers hold people who are merely cheap in disdain.

Let us not forget the many interesting mini-portraits. That skull character on the left is beautifully designed.

Back to the large portraits; here's (above) Jack the Ripper.

And here's (above) Rasputin and his famous penetrating stare. Disney's good at making morphing pictures.

Here's (above) The Cat Lady....

....who becomes a lady cat.

Above, Count Dracula.

Here's the morphing Medusa.

Who the heck are these kids (above)?

I know this guy.

 Here's a concept drawing that may never have been fully painted.

I notice that the Mansion contains no "mystery" paintings, i.e. pictures that contain a hidden picture or message. Can you see the hidden picture in this (above) one?

I'll end with this (above) over-the-fireplace portrait from the Ghostbusters movie. It  inspired me to consider leaving a creepy portrait of myself behind when it's my turn to kick the bucket.

It should be underlit and spooky. If I become the family patriarch my relatives would expect no less.

I'd include lots of esoteric symbols and a hint of a hidden fortune in the house. If I have greedy successors then they'll obsess over the supposed meaning of the thing.

A SECOND LOOK AT A GREAT CARTOON

December 16, 2014, 10:27 am

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I like "Jolly Rounders" so much that I can't help adding to what I wrote last time. It's wonderful to have a blog like Theory Corner where things like this can be discussed in detail. 

Anyway, I like the textured barebones background and the midlevel line of the wall boards. Some artists avoid midlevel anything because it divides the composition into two and gives it an ignorant, unschooled look. For me that's precisely why the technique is useful. Sometimes you want an ignorant look. 

I also like the way the artist puts the irritable wife on the left and gives the open doorway equal emphasis. No doubt this is to make a space for the kids when they come in later, but it serves another purpose. Given that the woman is touchy and has a short fuse it's funny to think she's near a doorway where any doofus could walk in and bother her. 

  

We cut to the outside and her ridiculously huge number of comically eager clones. I like the open front door which reminds us that there's a touchy, irritable person inside.

The kids react to something O.S. and run inside. 

The little clones run in and announce that Dad's outside and he has a "bimbo" (that's what the title card calls her) with him. Mom tosses the broom and heads for the door.

Uh-oh. Whatever fools are out there now have the total attention of a Type A character.

There's Dad outside, beckoning to his "bimbo." This is a technique I often use myself. The bimbo is an outrageous character and a character that funny shouldn't be in the scene when you first see them. They have to make an entrance to underline their importance. The act of beckoning functions as a kind of fanfare.

And here she is! I LOVE this hippo. Her design and very stiff but charming acting style is a masterful example of skilled ignorance. I also like having the empty space on the left where the angry wife will stand when she comes out. You could argue that leaving an awkward space there is unnecessary but...and this is important...if it's funny then it IS necessary. You could handle mom's entrance with cuts and pans and that might be good cinema, but it's not funny.

I have more thoughts about the staging in this cartoon but I'll have to save them for the time when I have the whole cartoon infront of me, and not just a tiny fragment.

DISNEYLAND'S "PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN"

February 26, 2015, 12:54 pm

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Like so many others I'm a huge fan of the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disneyland. I won't include many photos of the ride. In photography the ride appears to be a series of static department store window displays and it really is much more than that. The sounds and smells, the tactile sensations of boat and wind and temperature, and the feeling brought on by artfully contrasting 3D enclosures are so important to the experience that photos are inadequate to describe what's going on.

The ride breaks down into several parts: I) the Blue Bayou swamp, 2) the extended trip through the pirate cave,  3) the battle between the pirate ship and the Spanish fortress, 4) the sack of Port Royal, and 5) an extended trip under the wharfs of the burning city.

The highlights of the ride for me are the two "extended" mood pieces involving the cave and the wharf. On paper they probably seem like unnecessary digressions and I wouldn't be surprised if some of Disney's people argued for a more consistent, more story driven approach. Walt was right, though. The best rides are about mood and subtext.

I imagine the roller coaster-like trip through the cave was a necessity brought on by the need to move the boats to a large building outside the park. What impresses me is that Walt made a virtue of necessity by making the details of the trip so interesting.

Somebody must have researched what real caves were like. These aren't just slap-dash contrivances on chicken wire frames, these are atmospheric recreations of real caves which were not made for the convenience of man.

There's a poignancy to it, a feeling that the world is staggeringly beautiful and full of menace at the same time. For me the periodic displays of skeletons and pirate loot are just icing on the cake.

The battle between ship and fortress is reminiscent of Conrad's moody description of a sea to shore battle in "Heart of Darkness." Ships sometimes had bigger guns than did the shore forts of the day but few ships would risk a direct shootout with a fortress unless the fight was a diversion for a land attack. We can imagine that in this case it was.

The looting of the city comes off as tragic. It's disturbing to think that civilization is so vulnerable to the depredations of barbarians.

Disney wisely lightened up the situation with humor but the final slow and moody trip under the embers (above) of a burning wharf reveals Walt's true feelings about the situation...that the destruction of the city was a horrifying disaster.

All this talk about pirates makes me think of my favorite pirate (above), Captain Kidd.

Kidd started out with the intention of killing pirates and making a fortune off the bounties. With the aid of wealthy backers (which might have included the King), he built a new type of fighting ship (below) designed solely for the purpose of hunting pirates.

It (above) had an abbreviated keel for chasing pirates in the shallows, and oars for when the wind failed. It was long and narrow with extra guns and extra sails so it could outrun and outfight almost any ship that tried to escape. Not only that but Kidd personally chose the crew who consisted of the most honest and skilled sailors he could find. It seemed like a project that couldn't possibly fail.

But fail it did. Unfortunately for Kidd his proud crew mooned what they considered the inferior British Navy as they sailed out of port and the Navy retaliated by seizing them. Kidd was forced to replace the crew with thugs and criminals that he recruited in the New World.

It didn't take the thugs (above) long to realize that a ship designed for hunting pirates would make the ultimate pirate ship. They threatened to mutiny unless Kidd turned pirate himself. He reluctantly did, all the while attempting to smuggle notes to the British asking for help. When the English finally caught him they didn't buy any of his excuses and hanged and gibbeted him on a London dock.

If you're interested in reading fiction about pirates I can recommend two books. One (above) is by Rafael Sabatini, a true disciple of Alexander Dumas. The story in the book is fairly close to the one in the Errol Flynn movie, but it's worth reading even if you know everything that's going to happen.

The other book is the one by Tim Powers. My guess is that Powers was heavily influenced by the Pirate ride in Disneyland and his voodoo-laced book heavily influenced the Pirate movie, which came later. Accounts on the net differ. All I know for sure is that Disney bought the rights to the book and based the fourth Pirates movie on it.

A nice poster, eh? I wonder if you can still buy it.

DISNEY HAUNTED MANSION PAINTINGS

February 22, 2015, 4:37 pm

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Most of these pictures are from The Haunted Mansion at Disneyland and Disneyworld. The yellowish portrait near the end is from a Ghostbusters movie.  

I'm partial to portraits of misers so I'll start with that.

The picture morphs into one showing a greedy relative who did away with the miser to get his money.

Here's a couple who might be decribed as mean and cheap. You'd expect that they'd be friends of the miser but that's not likely. True misers have deep disdain for those who are merely cheap.

Let us not forget the rides many interesting mini-portraits. That skull character on the left is beautifully designed.

Back to the large portraits; here's (above) Jack the Ripper.

And here's (above) Rasputin and his famous penetrating stare. Disney's good at making morphing pictures.

Here's (above) The Cat Lady....

....and here's the lady cat.

Above, Count Dracula.

Here's the morphing Medusa.

Who the heck are these kids (above)?

I know this guy.

 Here's a concept drawing that may never have been fully painted.

I notice that the Mansion contains no "mystery" paintings, i.e. pictures that contain a hidden picture or message. Can you see the hidden picture in this (above) one?

I'll end with this (above) over-the-fireplace portrait from the Ghostbusters movie. It  inspired me to consider leaving a creepy portrait of myself behind when it's my turn to kick the bucket.

It should be underlit and spooky. If I become the family patriarch my relatives would expect no less.

I'll include lots of esoteric symbols and a hint of a hidden fortune in the house. If I have greedy successors then they'll obsess over the supposed meaning of the thing.

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WHAT A DIFFERENCE A DECORATOR MAKES!

March 2, 2015, 12:23 am

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Here's a magazine clipping showing the apartment of Beatrice Wood, a local potter and a devotee of Hindu art. Wood was 104 years old when this picture was taken and she died only a year later. Boy, she knew how to decorate! She took a simple corner of a room and made it come alive with interesting color and shapes. 

For comparison, here's (above) an earlier photo of Wood's apartment...Wood herself included... and the room around her has none of the appeal of the opening photo. Everything is dark and splotchy and the large pictures make the room seem small. Maybe some of that is the consequence of bad flash photography, but even so...what happened!?

My guess is that in the case of the large bright photo at the top a professional decorator got involved. The decorator favored smaller pictures and arranged them differently, added a few bookcases, improved the lighting, moved the sofa farther out into the room, added color to the sofa, and lightened up the statuary on the shelf. 

Geez, a professional touch made all the difference. Interesting, huh? 

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE CIRCUS?

March 4, 2015, 11:10 pm

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Over the weekend I payed a visit to Steve Worth's Animation Archive and he kindly let me take snapshots of a few posters in his oversized circus book. 

One of my favorite pictures was of a lion taming act (above). I saw acts like that when I was a kid and they really did take place in a big circular cage and it really did contain lots of cats at the same time, though not as many as in the poster. Working with that many cats is dangerous since it's hard to avoid turning your back on them, and the poor cats are probably irritable from being so close to each other. 

 And talk about crowding...pity the humans as well as the animals! People are shoulder to shoulder in these pictures. Actually, in spite of the inconvenience, I believe in funneling crowds through relatively narrow spaces if it can be done safely. It makes getting where you're going an adventure and provides lots of opportunities for people watching. You just need to have lots of diversions along the way. 

I also like the fact that the cages are on raised platforms close to the pedestrians, and not way back in the distance on a flat floor. 

I wonder why circuses ran into trouble. There are probably lots of reasons, one of which might be competition from carnivals. Carnivals are  cheaper to mount because they put more emphasis on sideshows and rides. People like sideshows. 

They want to see acts up close. When you sit in a gallery in a giant tent or a stadium you're too far removed from things. Of course, you're less likely to encounter skilled performers in a sideshow. 

  

Sideshows attracted weird, one-of-a-kind performers. Here's seven women who the poster alleges entertained the crowned heads of Europe with their hair. Haw! Maybe they did a static electricity act...naw, they were probably too classy for that. Maybe they acted out stories from the Brothers Grimm or Hans Christian Anderson.

Aerial shows worked fine indoors. You probably imagine that the poster
exaggerated the number of performers...

...but maybe it didn't. Circuses played in some pretty big venues.

Seeing pictures like this makes me think that circuses might have caused their own demise by being too big and expensive. How many people could afford a show like this during The Great Depression?  Carnivals made it easier for people to spend at whatever level they could afford.

I wish mini stadiums like this one (above) hadn't gone out of fashion. Mens athletic clubs used to favor this kind of indoor theatre. You could stage Hamlet, equestrian shows, boxing matches and small circuses in them.

THE BRAIN THAT WOULDN'T DIE: A REVIEW

March 6, 2015, 2:22 pm

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Last night I saw "The Brain that Wouldn't Die" at John's house. It had a terrific plot. Let's see if I can remember it....

A young, idealistic scientist and his fiance Mildred had a road accident. The scientist survived but Mildred's head was severed. The handsome young scientist quickly wrapped up the head and took it his laboratory where he hooked it up to a life support system.

Mildred awoke to find that she was she was just a disembodied head.

HEAD (ALARMED): "This is monstrous! You shouldn't have done this to me! You should have let me die!"

(THEN...)

HEAD: "Huh? What's that noise? It sounds like a door rattling."

HANDSOME SCIENTIST: "Oh, that....that's just the hideously deformed victim of

my earlier experiments." 

ON THE LOCKED DOOR:

HANDSOME SCIENTIST (VO): "We keep him locked up. He's insane and tremendously powerful. If he ever escaped from that room he'd rip us all to bloody shreds...but don't worry. That little lock cost a whole dollar. He'll never break out."

The handsome scientist goes out on the town to find a suitable body for his girl.

He scours burlesque houses and beauty contests.

Finally he finds a perfect specimen, a photographer's model. He invites her home to see his lab.

BACK AT THE LAB: THE HEAD, TIRED OF WAITING, ARGUES WITH THE NEUROTIC LAB ASSISTANT:

HEAD:  "What do you know of anything? Without the encumbrance of a body I've acquired mental powers that I never dreamed were possible. Now I can take revenge for what the world has done to me! With this new power I can transform thousands into an army of zombies that can take over the world!"

NEUROTIC LAB ASSISTANT: " Powers? Zombies!? Haw! Look at you! You're just a stupid old head! I'm the one with I.Q. points! I was first in my class at Harvard!"

HEAD: "Well if you're so great then let's see you open the door and peek in at that monster in the room over there."

NEUROTIC ASSISTANT: "Peek in!? Well, er...I don't know."

HEAD: "Okay...if you're too scared..."

NEUROTIC LAB ASSISTANT: "Scared? Did I say I was scared? Well, I guess I can take a quick look..."

MONSTER: (Big growl)

NEUROTIC ASSISTANT: (Big scream) "AIIIEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!"

JUST THEN THE HANDSOME SCIENTIST COMES IN:

HANDSOME SCIENTIST: "Mildred! I found a body for you! (HE SPOTS THE ASSISTANT'S CORPSE ON THE FLOOR) Huh? What's he doing there?"

 HEAD: "That's your neurotic assistant. He tried to take a look at the monster in the room but he got zapped because he didn't open the door properly. With your brains you could  do it safely, but you're probably too....too scared."

HANDSOME SCIENTIST: "Scared? No, no....I'm much too intelligent for that. Well, I guess a quick peek wouldn't hurt..."

THE MONSTER'S GIANT HAND GRABS THE HANDSOME SCIENTIST:

MONSTER: (BIG, FURIOUS GROWLS) "RRRRRRGHRRRRRR!!!!"

The hideous monster emerges.

HEAD: (LAUGHS)

She's enjoying this.

A terrible fight ensues.

The two roll around the floor and an oil lamp is knocked over.

The lab bursts into flames.

HEAD: (LAUGHS AND LAUGHS)

Laugh continues.

  THE END

CARTOON SCULPTURES

March 8, 2015, 9:33 pm

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A friend let me take a few pictures of his porcelain cartoon figures. These used to sell at greeting card stores and gift shops of all kinds.

What better gift than a ceramic string holder?

Here's (above) a Rocky and Bullwinkle ceramic bank.

Wow! What a nice souvenir of The Stork Club!

Hmmmm....maybe this Yogi is varnished wood, I'm not sure.

This one is definitely porcelain! It's (above) Esquire magazine's Dapper Gentleman character.

LIVING WITH YOUR PARENTS

March 12, 2015, 10:06 am

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I have a comfortable little house (above) in the suburbs and all my kids were raised here.

It has the usual amenities: books, TV and all that.

And a well-stocked refrigerator; you gotta have that.

Yes, all in all it's been a good life.

That's why I can't understand what my grown-up kid told me over dinner last night. He said he needed a place to stay for a few months but that he didn't want to live here. I asked why...I mean, the rent here is free, and we like having him around...and he said that he'd never get anything done here. It's way too cozy.

"Too COZY???," I asked. "What's wrong with cozy?" Everything, he said. Everything is soft and cushy and mushy and quiet...you could loose track of time and spend years here without being aware that any time had even passed. A house like this could rob you of years of your life.

Yikes! Well, I felt I had to defend the honor of the house so I pushed him to be more specific.

DAD: "Let me see if I understand. You're saying you're suffocating here. The house is dulling your mind."

KID: "Well, yeah, sort of. I don't want to exaggerate."

DAD: "Hmmmm. Come to think of it, when you were a baby you were always trying to escape."

KID: "Well, sure. Freedom. That's what everybody wants!"

DAD: "So with ferocious hounds at your feet you escaped the clutches of the evil parents."

KID: "You're taking it all wrong."

DAD: "No, I get it...If you were here you'd be in quicksand. It's a slow death where the mud and the grass fill your lungs (Cough! Cough!) and you can't breathe anymore. That's it, right?

KID: Well....I didn't mean to imply....

DAD: But it's like that, right!? Like the Sargasso Sea???"

KID: "The Sargasso Sea!!!?? What's that got to do with anything?"

DAD: "The Sargasso Sea...a timeless, smelly, weatherless morass of rotting ships mired in decaying seaweed. A sailor caught in that is never seen again. That's what you think this house is like???"

KID: "Not exactly. Look, I don't want to offend. Maybe it's your collection of cats!"

DAD: "Huh? What cats? I don't have any cats!!!"

KID: "Ah, but it's as if you had cats, even if you don't! And your false teeth..."

DAD: "What are you babbling about!!!!??? I don't have false teeth!!!"

KID: "Ah, but it's as if..."

DAD: "I know, I know. It's as if I had false teeth."

KID: "Look, suppose I lived here and I wanted to bring a girl over? I can't do that with you here!"

DAD: "Why not? I wouldn't bother you.....oh, wait a minute....noooow I get it."

DAD: "You want make your room into a HIPPIE LOVE NEST and you thought I'd object. Hey, that's all right with me. I'm a guy myself. You can talk to me about things like that."

KID: "Yuuuuch! Nobody wants to talk to their Dad about sex! "

DAD: "Oh, yeah...right. Well...talk to your Mom then."

KID: "Yikes! That's disgusting! Dad, you're not getting what I'm saying."

KID: "I want to take risks! I want to take big risks without carrying a packed lunch and an extra sweater in case the weather turns bad."

KID: "I want to meet the people from the right side of the tracks and from the wrong side of the tracks."

KID: "I want to eat at the finest restaurants..."

KID "...and when my survival depends on it, I want to eat dirty scorpions from the Kalahari Desert."

DAD (REALIZING HE'S BEATEN): "Okay, all this talk is making me hungry. Let's see...I don't have any dirty scorpions..."

DAD: "...but I do have this half-eaten bag of Doritos!"

KID: "Excellent! Let's eat!"